I Will Find Happiness :: Happiness Essays

So I am a girl. What do you continue? What do you want to bring here? Long hair Ive ever been told never to cut my hair, boys bequeath never go for short hair, colt legs, categorical stomach, cute accessories. Do you want me to drive you up the w any with all my adorable quirks? Do you want ribbons and dresses? Lipstick and rouge? I find myself slipping between different states of mind. What should I be? Who should I be? I read books almost subservience like Memoirs of a Geisha. I see television shows late at night when I cant sleep, the exclusively time I watch TV. And there argon women on these sitcoms safe smiling. Non-stop smiling in their immaculate aprons and Sunday dresses. And I think of my auntie in Arizona who lives under my by-marriage-Italian uncles get out. How they are so money only when shes only allowed to spend what he approves of, and he accuses her of pigishness if she eats some of the dulcorate his son stuffs himself with. How he never mentions his 25 0-pound plus weight, while her bones compass out through with(predicate) her garments. I see my best friend from third-year high being dragged into her fathers room while Im standing right there to get hit with The belt. Huge welts formed for her borrowing a v-neck clothe from a girl at school and blue eye shadow. The shirt and make-up made her a whore. I remember him yelling through the thin trailer walls while I was standing right on the another(prenominal) side. And there are other things. They all swim in my head, like a tank with too many tropical slant that needs cleaning. And I start thinking I will non appear to be easy. At the same time I will not come off as too cold or rigid. My shirts must be low-cut, but not low enough to trust nothing to the imagination. It is better that he has something to look forward too. I will make my body hourglass like. I will be careful about my weight and skin and clothes and make up. I will preserve thin, but retain hips and breasts . I will set high standards for myself and the other women around me. I realize we are all in aspiration for the most handsome and financially sound male, despite the fact that we are the prize in relationships.